MEandering - iPhone

Unethically Ethical

nospam@example.com (Annie Gabston-Howell) — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 20:16:05 -0700

The "Reasonably UnReasonable" lifestyle works well for me. In a world where, all too often, people respond better to an emotional display than to a well-reasoned argument, I have learned that it is sometimes--often--better to conceal cognition behind emotional facades.

The decision to get rich quick by behaving in an unethically ethical fashion makes sense in the context of the above. Wealth has not accrued with the rapidity I expected, leaving me to consider my various schemes, yet again. I am certain that, if I think about this I can get rich without the need to increase my workload.

My first stab at a successful business model was my Delightfully Dirty Daisy Dirt plan. I modeled it on what I learned by watching Apple's iPhone to iBrick promotion, with a bit of Microsoft Windows watching thrown in to round things out. I still believe there is a real market for my Daisy dirt, but the balance of ethical/unethical is a bit too close to the "UN" side.

Although I had been fairly clear about my intentions: I planned to get rich by selling a worthless product to anyone gullible enough to buy it. Still, several of the specifics were going to be planned in advance with the intent of surprising the customer at some future date. Although I got a giggle out of imagining people's reactions when they discovered that by simply opening the box they had just agreed--via an exquisitely evil end-user-license-agreement--that I not only continued to own my Daisy Dirt but had just accepted their unwitting gifts of their immortal souls, too, the whole thing was just a tad too unethical for my comfort.

The second, and probably most discouraging, disincentive to putting the Dirty Daisy Dirt product into the public's eye is the amount of work involved. Even after the research and development stages, every unit sold would have to have someone sending something to somebody. I grow weary just thinking about it. The phrase "Make Money Fast" has the implied additional promise of "and easily!"

It did occur to me to charge $1.00 per unit for the dirt and an additional $19.00 for shipping and handling fees. I would be able to "forget" to actually mail anything to anyone. If and when customers complained, I would send them a full refund of their purchase price, minus the shipping and handling fees.

I though it was a wonderful idea, but my husband (who is becoming quite cranky in his old age) rather forcefully convinced me that this didn't even reach the lower rung of "unethically ethical" behavior.

To be honest, I think the poor man has been permanently traumatized by his BlueProton series of unfortunate events. If it did not also involve far too much effort, I would sue BlueProton for my spouse's emotional distress which has caused him to cause me emotional distress and loss of Daisy Dirt wealth. I could even, now that I consider the matter, sue them for stealing my idea from me before it was my idea.

I had planned to write a lot more, today. I have this idea where you, the customer, get to use the last few dollars left on those credit-card-type gift cards you have lying around the house to buy NOTHING from me. I would have gone on for hundreds, maybe even thousands of words, trying to convince you to spend the money on NOTHING in preference to letting the gift card company hold on to the pennies remaining on the card that somebody gave you for some reason you hardly remember.

I WILL eventually get around to offering you the opportunity to help me get rich while preventing gift card companies from getting richer with your unspent gifts.

I can not possibly concentrate on doing that now, however. I am far too emotionally overwrought over the whole "BlueProton upset my husband" thing. I need to go lie down.

Striking It Rich

nospam@example.com (Annie Gabston-Howell) — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 13:55:29 -0700

Buy NOTHING for Her sake!

It has been seven days now, since I launched my "Buy NOTHING " campaign, and I am sad to report that I am still not a millionaire. This is not working out the way I planned.

Apple sold iPhone after iPhone on same day it was released. Every new version of Windows is a hit before it ever lands on a store shelf. I expected NOTHING would, being even less product for much less money, work the same way.

There must be something that I have overlooked. I know, as absolute fact, that millions of people are willing to spend millions of dollars without getting anything of value in return. (Think: Bottled water that is less safe than tap water.) There must be something more that is needed.

A tug at the heartstrings, perhaps? Maybe something along the lines of:

Buy NOTHING and enrich a child's life!

My children really are deprived. They have no designer clothes, no iPods, no iPhones and, except for the boy, they have to share bedrooms. Although there are millions of children in the world who are more deprived, there are no deprived children who are closer to my heart. This should be clear and compelling evidence that my children are special and specially deprived. This being so, you have no ethical option other than clicking on one of the many handy links and purchasing your fair share of absolutely NOTHING!

As an extra, added incentive, if you buy enough NOTHING, my husband and I will probably, someday, donate something to a real charity!

Act now, or I will have to keep my day job.

Apple's iPhones unlocked!?! iBricks restored!?! Oh no!

nospam@example.com (Annie Gabston-Howell) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:57:54 -0600

Sometimes you simply cannot win. Apple's idea of selling phones and getting paid twice by forcing people to use a specific phone service provider was perfect. They would get, in addition to a huge profit on the phone itself, a monthly fee from AT&T for each phone sold. Unfortunately, the monthly fee depended on the iPhone buyers to behave like good little sheep and actually sign up with AT&T.

The latest figures from this Los Angeles Times article makes it clear that there are a lot of bad people where there should be good sheep. The original estimate figured that approximately 10,000 to 100,000 iPhones had been unlocked out of the over 1,000,000 sold. The new estimate is 250,000.

I am now extremely worried about my Delightfully Dirty Daisy Dollar business plan. People who insist on going out of theirway to ruin Apple's plan will not hesitate to treat mine with unsheeplike disobedience. Of course, had Apple only done a better job of locking the phone in the first place, the unlocking would never have been possible.

Research is what is needed, obviously. Before I begin selling my daisy-specific dirt, I need to get someone who knows how to study genetics to create a virus to protect my dirt from any plant other than daisies. My friend James! Or not. In spite of the Nobel prize, he does not seem to know very much about how genes work, now does he?

No problem. I will think of something.

In the news...

nospam@example.com (Annie Gabston-Howell) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 18:47:39 -0600

New iPhone lawsuit seeks $2.6B in damages
Apple's claim that unlocking could damage the iPhone was a lie, suit charges (http://www.computerworld.com)

How completely unfair. Somebody is picking on Apple Inc. and AT&T over the iPhone thing. As I understand it, customers are claiming that the two companies colluded to shut out competition and intentionally turned iPhones into iBricks to punish people for trying to use any other company than AT&T for services. The suit should be thrown out of court. How dare they attempt to interfere with businesses trying to make a profit?

I have a personal stake in this. If some court should decide that businesses must render actual service in exchange for money and do not have the right to maintain complete post-sale product control, my Delightful Daisy Dirt company might stall before I ever get it going. According to the link above:

The Holman-Rivello lawsuit asserts that the 1.1.1 update was digital bullying, while the warning of "irreparable damage" to an iPhone by unlocking was a lie. "Apple and AT&T agreed to go beyond these [previous] tactics and to take affirmative steps to break the iPhones of consumers who lawfully unlocked the AT&T SIM card or who
installed third-party apps," the suit read.

Why is this a problem, I ask? Apple and AT&T owe their stockholders the greatest profit they can get. They warned users not to use any of those icky hacks. They did the right thing and it is just plain silly for people with iBricks to try to get the law involved. I really do not understand how they were allowed to even file. This is, obviously, un-American. Perhaps we could have Homeland Security investigate?

Delightfully Dirty Daisy Dollars

nospam@example.com (Annie Gabston-Howell) — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 10:24:32 -0600

Buy Annie's Dirt now and grow delightful daisies in days!

I am a an American, and I believe in the principle of free enterprise. That being so, I owe it to myself to start a business. I think I will sell dirt.

My potential customers, at the moment, probably get their dirt free from their yards, or they get it at low cost from some home and garden shop. I can, if I market my dirt intelligently enough, convince a large percentage of dirt-users that my dirt is far better than the free/cheap stuff that they currently think is good enough. There will be those stick-in-the-muds who continue to blindly do what they have always done, but that is okay with me.

My dirt will not be meant for them, anyway. My dirt will be daisy-growing dirt. I will not sell daisies, but I will enter an exclusive deal with a daisy-seller and insist that, if my dirt buyers plant anything else in my dirt, they will void my "good-dirt" warranty. Then, I will sell my dirt at a price so high-say a thousand percent more expensive than the cheapest non-free dirt--that people will boast of buying it in order to let others know how special they are just because they can afford my dirt. I will hype my super-special dirt for months before I sell the first bag. By the first day that my dirt can be legally purchased, people will have stood in lines for days so that they will be able to boast that they were the first on the block to own my wonderful dirt.

When I lower the price after the initial month, many of those who refused to buy at first, will purchase at the lower price and feel that they can boast about having had the will-power to resist sales pressure and have now paid "only" nine hundred percent of the usual price for purchased dirt. The rest of the hold-outs will find other offers coming their way. Even most of those who never see the value for themselves can be convinced to buy my dirt for their designer-dirt-desiring friends and family members. The small number of people who absolutely refuse to ever purchase my dirt are--in America, the land of the free and of Completely Free Enterprise--not a problem.

Daisy sales will skyrocket, and I will make big, big bucks on my contract with the daisy seller because of the dirt warranty that warns my customers that they must plant only daisies in the super-special dirt that they purchased from me. I will warn them that they run the risk of having useless dirt that cannot support any plant, if they plant anything other than daisies in my dirt.

There will, this being America, be those that will desire my dirt but refuse to plant daisies. The free-thinkers who believe that, just because they spent their own money, the dirt is theirs to do with as they see fit. Some won't plant daisies. Others will plant, in addition to the required daisies, all sorts of other plants not sold by my daisy-seller. They will not even have the loyalty to me, the dirt-seller, to keep their activities secret. They will go on the Internet and boast about how clever they are to get around my daisy requirement.

If I allow this, I will, of course, still sell dirt, but the daisy-seller might begin to regret his contract with me. I will stop getting as many daisy-dollars as had been factored into my original business plan.

Someone less steeped in the principle of Completely Free Enterprise might just let things go on this way. They might accept that the upside of the profit from selling millions of units of wonderful dirt was enough to outweigh the downside of eventually losing the exclusive contract with the daisy-seller.

Not me. I will have a warranty. Silly buyer who believes all that fine print is there for their protection. Right along with promising to provide dirt-support and replace any dirt that does not support healthy plant growth, I will tell my buyers that they "might" end up with useless dirt if they refuse to plant daisies.

Then, as soon as there are enough non-daisy growers, I will release a free dirt upgrade that kills any plant other than daisies. The blindly obedient who never planted anything but daisies will feel vindicated. The free thinkers will be angry. I will remind the angry ones that they should not have purchased my dirt if they had no intention of honoring the conditions of purchase. I will tell them that, if they want to use my dirt, they must buy more. The old warranty-voided stuff has now, I will tell tell them loftily, been made useless by 'your own decision to violate the terms of the end-user licensing agreement.'

The daisy-seller will happily renew his contract with me and the loss of a few dirt-dollars will be offset by the increased daisy-dollars. I will make a billion dollars in no time.

I used to worship Bill Gates, now Steve Jobs is my hero. Ain't America great?

Note: Annie's Dirt is coming soon. Watch this spot for information on how to get yours!